You know, the “PC” one? Who “has a problem with every little thing”? And “Doesn’t have a sense of humor” and “doesn’t get that it’s just a word,” etc.? Her? Yeah. I hate being her. I mean, I’d rather be straight up hated, really, than perceived as a nuisance and cause for avoidance and eye rolls and resented and thought of as someone who thinks she’s better than everyone else.
I mean, if you’ve been That Person, you know The Look. The one that everyone gets on their face when you start to take issue with something fucked up they’ve said AGAIN, and the way they all look at each other like “Oh. Her. There she goes again, being all ‘political’! Sigh. Is she done yet?”
I don’t know why that look terrifies me so much. It’s a lot worse than a snarl and a combative stance, to me. I can yell back and argue with the best of them, if I want to. But that sense that I am just a giant pain in the ass and it’s best to just ignore me and why can’t I shut up and stop making everyone uncomfortable already … just inevitably makes me feel so small.
That means I’m often bad at saying something when I want to. Fear of that look. Even online — no, especially online, because where The Look happens in real life or not, I won’t know, and so will just assume that it has happened anyway. And then, inevitably, I end up hating myself for it.
I’ve just found a video I recorded back in January 2010 of our (zesticola, briggsbear and I) New Year party. We are wearing our pyjamas and they are dancing to Persona 4’s “Your affection” (playing on the TV) while singing “oneeeisha, oneeeisha” and “formaaation, formaaation” ‘cause we didn’t know the lyrics.
We had been playing P4 for like, 10 hours in a row. We kept playing for 2 days more. Then we had to go back home, but still managed to finish the game on the following week.
Unfortunately, if I uploaded it zesticola would leave me. *sigh*
As in-house graphic designer, I worked with an interior designer on a design for an exhibition stand for our company at a big London furniture show. With dark wood panels and simple silver lettering, it looked great.
However, a salesman who liked to make his own Powerpoint presentations had talked them into letting him create an animated presentation that would be displayed on a loop on a big flatscreen in the middle of the stand.
I arrived at the exhibition to see the company name in comic sans, flashing in purple and yellow and pictures of chairs flying around the screen.
I expressed my dismay to another member of staff who was also watching it - he said that he thought it was comparable with anything I’d ever done.